Feelings. :/

I'm sorry for making you angry.
I'm sorry I made you shout.
I'm sorry for being a disappointment.
Just letting my feelings pour out

I'm sorry I entered your life
That one you always talk about
So I guess I'll just do what you told me
I'll just get the hell out.

Grumpy Old Man

 Author's Note: My writing circle chose Elderly people and I was inspired by a man, i forget who, but his story saddened me of how people saw him, and then he passed away.

You leave me here only to assume

That when you see me sitting in my room

You pass me by wondering why I seem so glum

You think that a grumpy old man is all I’ve become

I don’t see my kids, my sons and my daughters

I sit here alone thinking I ought to

No one comes and visits me s I sit here alone

My wife had died just a few years ago.

I wonder if you could ever have the heart to look underneath.

And see my heart and soul underneath

If sometime I could just fulfill my plans

But All you see is a simple, grumpy old man.

I would just want somebody to visit me.

And just see everything that I always do be

You’ve never truly known me, so why do you judge me?

I played sports, I’ve built forts

I used to hide all I ever wanted to imply.

But now I just wanted say…

You think I’m a simple grumpy old man

Why couldn’t you have helped me fulfill my plan?

Mourning in the Winter Morning

Author's Note: This picture reminded me of how everything dies and becomes glum, but then it brightens up just like life. In this way, I am metaphorically comparing a tree and nature to life.

 Spring’s beauty is truly magnificent. The flowers blooming and the fresh mist in the air

The snow falls in a whirl landing and sticking piling over and over again. The children sled down the hills only to tread up the god forsaken hills once more to glide down the slope for a second time. The excitement in their lives is immense and everything seems perfect, but they’re delusional on what is truly happening around them. The ice is clear; no one could see the ice. The cars cruise along then hitting the ice. Screeching and sliding attempting to come to a halt, but find themselves losing control and crashing. Then, the poor children who weren’t taught any better walk onto the thin ice of the pond. Waddling and and making their way they slip and break the ice falling to their deaths.

Oh how I despise the winter. Winter… for some it’s a joyful season with hugs and kisses… but what about for me? For me it’s a sorrow filled pit of death and despair. Everything around us dies and most don’t seem to care. I mean it’s not like you should care to the point of ruining your life with no way to turn back, but it’s just the mindless delusional people that frolic in the snow thinking nothing’s wrong.             That’s what bothers me. Do they honestly not know what’s truly been happening? How the frigid cold pierces the homeless out on the streets. Everything around them is beginning to fade, yet everything seems brighter and happier… but it’s not. Somehow everything seems gloomy and gray and you’re just reminded of what could’ve been if that car wouldn’t have hit that sheet of black ice, if only that lake’s ice wouldn’t have thinned and broken dragging an innocent child to their death.

Although life knocks you down you have the choice to get up again. It’s okay to break, everyone is going to break at some point, even the strongest people break, but the best thing you can do is to get back up again. Nature can pick itself up and bloom the beautiful fields and sunshine, so why can’t you? You were created to live your life until you were needed or were no longer needed. The ways of the lord are mysterious and won’t be known soon or possibly ever. Above it all, you just have to keep moving, live life to the fullest, learn as much as you can, and laugh as often as you please because once you’re gone, all you should honestly be remembered with is laughter and happy memories. If the only way you will be remembered is with tears and mourning, maybe you shouldn’t be remembered y those specific people at all.

Topic Two: One Direction

Author's Note: We did these topic things where we had to write about a certain topic as a poem, short story, essay, basically anything, and ours happened to be One Direction... so... Please Don't Judge... :/ Thanks!

Introduction

When you hear of a pop phenomenon, what; or rather who comes to mind? It may be your favorite artist, or maybe even your favorite soda if you somehow misinterpreted what I meant by saying “pop.” But what comes to mind isn’t just anyone. Its the amazingly talented boys in One Direction whom I love so dearly. I met them about a month ago and they haven’t slipped my mind. Not once, not ever. They were always the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last I thought of when I fell asleep. I never knew I would, or rather could fall for Harry. He was a pop star, singing sold out concerts, getting whatever he pleased whenever he pleased. Ugh. The thought of it made me sick to my stomach. It was unbearable it was to have to admit had had fallen completely head over heels for him because it seemed impossible. How could someone so famous, so gorgeous want to go out with someone like me? To be honest, I was shocked I couldn’t even tolerate him, but I knew my friend Skyler would be drooling all over them and practically worshiping the ground they walked on. Each and everyone of them... but I never knew that she would start to like Niall, like legitimately. And I sure as hell didn’t think it would go this far...

Chapter 1: Rachel

“One Direction! One Direction! One Direction!” The chants in the crowd were immense. I could barely hear myself think. Skyler stood next to me, screaming with me as we heard a voice, a very familiar voice. It was Harry I could tell right off the bat. “Thats what makes you beautiful-ul-ul” The sound echoed and the lights flashed as the beginning of the song broke. Liam was the first to emerge from the smoke leading through a tunnel on the stage. “You’re insecure... Don’t know what for” We were immediately screaming along with the lyrics. “Baby you light up my world like nobody else!”

My eye immediately caught Harry. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I never knew anyone could look so perfect. His bouncy curly locks perfectly framing his beautifully sculpted face. Oh, don’t get me wrong they were all truly amazing... but something about Harry. Something about his perfect complexion, his gorgeous eyes, his smile... oh his smile. His smile could melt a snowcone in Antarctica. Then Harry’s solo started... “Baby you light up my world like nobody else...” His eyes caught mine and I was absolutely breathless. I want to stay frozen in that exact moment forever. Then came that moment we broke our gaze... “Thats what makes you beautiful!” He voice was powerful as a bulldozer. But those few amazing seconds I spent gazing into his eyes made me feel like I wanted him. Like I wanted to be his, and I wanted him to be mine... forever.

Of course, perfect timing. “What Makes You Beautiful” ended then the song “I Want” came blasting through the speakers... “I want. I want. I want. But that's crazy.” Yeah. I knew it was crazy. I mean what were the odds? A normal small town girl, poor and who barely made this concert would have even the slimmest chance as to have a glimpse of a huge pop star such as him, or any of them. They were all so stunning. Huge comparison there. I mean... just look at me. Harry took one last look at me during their closing, singing a reprise of “What Makes You Beautiful” once again, then left. I yearned to be with him in that very moment. I couldn’t believe my time had already turned. Why couldn’t I be with him? I knew the answer.. I just didn’t want to admit to the truth.

Okay, okay I will admit I liked the lads a lot like even more than you could imagine. But I wasn’t obsessed and I’m still not obsessed. I mean... as Zayn always says, “Don’t call a girl obsessed when she’s just in love.” Well, I wasn’t sure it was absolute love. However, I knew there was something there. A flare, maybe even just a spark that could start our fire.

I walked home alone that night. My friends ditched me after the whole soiree and they went to drink. I couldn’t believe them. Come on, the bar... again... really? I guess I just don’t really drink, which is odd I guess but I’m proud of it. I hate the smell of alcohol. The stench. The people who pierced the fresh air with their interesting smells, however did some pretty hilarious things though. No one was on the streets though. The streets were eerily silent and still besides the few passing cars that made me jump at every honk. Thunder then began to pick up and the lightning struck the street beside me. My sight blurred focusing in and out on the six figures around me then everything went black.

Chapter 2: Harry Styles

Her smile, the way she gazed up at me and that twinkle in her eyes. It was as if every one of our song lyrics about these amazing perfect girls came a thousand percent true when I saw her. Who was that girl?

“Hey Harry!” Louis called, “You seemed a little... distracted...”

“Who Me? Distracted? Well, thats a boat full of rubbish.” I solemnly replied.

“I was just kidding, gosh Harry. Can’t you take a bit of a banter?”

“Yes, I can. I’m just a bit... flustered thats all.”

“What is it Harry?”

“Well... I sa-”

“Hazza!” Liam cried running through the door.

“Vas Happenin’?” Zayn sneered.

“Hey Harry! Great job on your solo!” Niall commented.

“Why thank-you lads.” I responded.

“Well what are we doing here lads?”  Zayn exclaimed, “Off the the bar we go!”

“Yeah... just one second...” I mumbled.

“You alright Hazza?” Liam questioned me.

“Yeah,” I replied, “never better I just need to talk to Louis.. alone.”

“Alright, but hurry!” He squealed, “We’re definitely in for a good night!” The lads left the room and Louis looked at me with his worried stares. “What’s the matter Harry?”

“It just a girl.” I replied.”

“Harry Edward Styles,” He began, “I know you. Your the most rambunctious and flirtatious eighteen year old I've ever met. Whats wrong? You wouldn't be goo goo over some girl you saw, and never talked to."

"Really, its fine," I continued, "Can we just go? We'll be left behind. I'll tell you on the way."

My Brother Sam is Dead: Prediction

*Two months later*

The windows shuddered and fences rattled at the gusts of wind. Rain splattered upon the windows. The dark night could pierce one’s soul with a single strike. I sat stirring my soup, not appetized as I had been for the past few months.

“Quit playing with your food, boy!” I looked up to see my father’s eyes beaming into mine. I took a spoonful of my stew placing it into my mouth and swallowing. “There you go.” He smiled. I simply grinned back. Everything was always boring without Sam. Yes, there was less fighting, but there nights without him seemed to always lack something. I just sat there thinking of Sam. I imagined all the things he was doing. Shooting people down, meeting women, getting drunk almost every night. Of course, I’d never tell father.

My thoughts got interrupted with a knock on the door. I glanced over to the door then to my father. “Well, aren’t you gonna get it?” my father questioned me staring in my direction. I looked to my mother, then back to my father, “Yes, sir.” I replied solemnly walking to the door. With a tug, the wisps of wind blew the door open, and in came a man in a black suit. “Hello,” he began, “I’m am so very sorry to inform you… your bother, son, accomplice, family member-“

“The point sir, while were still young?” I asked. My father shot me a glare.

“Okay,” the man said looking down at me, “Sam is dead.”

“W-what?” I managed to croak out.

“Your brother Sam is dead.” He stated once again standing beside me.

“You’re lying. He’s not dead.” I muttered staring at the floor.

“Pardon?” the man asked.

“I said he’s not dead! You’re lying!”

“Timmy!” my dad rose from his seat. “Shut the door and sit down! I won’t have any back sass from you tonight, and I sure as hell am not in the mood for a fuss of it.” I didn’t argue and I did as I was told. I know he had to be lying. He had to be. The world seemed to stop and I felt my world shift as reality kicked in. I sat with my tears waiting, threatening to fall from my eyes. Sam was…. Dead? No, no he couldn’t be. That’s impossible. Sam was… extraordinary, the best solider I’d ever met. He’s amazing at what he does. He could take crap from anyone.

“I’m truly sorry, sir.” The man said, “I’ll leave you folks alone.” With a tip of his hat he was out the door into the pouring rain.

“I warned him. No one can compare to our mighty soldiers. We’re the best in the world.” Father stated firmly.

“So you don’t even care?” I questioned him.

He shot daggers into my eyes. “Of course I care." His voice cracked and his body trembled. His eyes began to fill with tears. "He’s my boy,” he said looking down playing food, “It’s just… its better now and someone else than me.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

My mother patted father’s back comfortingly. “I’m going to be going off to war. You need to be the man of the house and look after your mother.”

“When were you gonna tell me?”

“Soon.”

“but-“

“Just eat your food.” I did what I was told.

“You know,” My father began, “You could be off in war too. You’re getting there in age.” I looked around the room trying to fixate on what to say next. “Or you can stay and care for your mother.” He suggested once again.

“I’ll think about it.” I said, plastering a fake smirk on my face. And that I did. When my father set off for war I said my goodbyes to him and then to my mother when there was absolution had gone. Following in my brother’s footsteps, I set off for freedom and independence from the British and the daily dictations of my father.

Life of the Party

Yeah. I  used to be the life of the party. Even when there was no party I’d make one happen, but one night I took the party too far. My boyfriend of TWO YEARS dumped me so me and my best friend went out. I was devastated but there were people and a party and man alive was I gonna have fun! Yeah, we took some shots… some more than others… I got a little drunk. Okay, more than a little drunk. These guys wanted to race… they noticed my mustang, Cherry and complimented my ride. My best friend  Lily told me. She told me over and over it wasn’t a good idea. I just brushed her off and got in the car. “You’re gonna get yourself killed!” now that sent shivers up my spine. I could feel the tears in my eyes threatening to fall. Remembering him. Remembering everything we had. Those two whole years, and he throws it all away…? Then she was there. Lily. She cared for me, she was like… my sister. But all I said was “I don’t care.” And I left. She just followed me got in the car with me. She wouldn’t let me go alone. She wouldn’t let me be alone. She knew how I was when I was alone. By the time we’d gotten in the guys had pulled up to the side of our car. They shot me a daring look and I gave them one back. They yelled out “Ready… go!” and we were off. I was having the time of my life but she was holding on for dear life. She kept telling me to slow down! Slow down. Slow down… I still hear her voice echoing in my head. But at that point I didn’t care. I didn’t listen. A deer ran out onto the road and I slammed on the breaks, skidding the road to try and stop the car. I severed and that’s when I realized we were up on the hill because I hit this giant rock and the car flipped. We tumbled down the hill, car and all. I blacked out, and when I woke up… we were still in the car. I looked over at Lily. Her body was so lifeless, and she wouldn’t move. There was some blood leaking from her head. I thought she was asleep, kind of like how I’d been knocked out. I shook her body, it was limp and flimsy. 

“Wake up,” I told her, “it’s okay now. We’re fine.” Still, nothing. “Lily!” I yelled. She still wouldn’t budge. I just kept yelling at her shaking her harder and harder. Then I stopped to look at her. There wasn’t a single bob in her stomach. Not a flinch in her body. Her face was pail and her eyes stayed shut. She looked peaceful, like she had fallen to rest. But she wasn’t resting, Lily was dead.  She was dead... and it was all my fault.

Even after that I tried to be the life of the party, but boy do I really have to try! I make people laugh… I even make myself laugh. Oh, I worked good and hard to make myself laugh. You can hear me from a block away! “Isn’t she somethin’?” people would say, “always happy, always laughing. Look at her! Always with that smile.” Heck, even I thought I was happy, but only as long as I wasn’t alone. I can’t even tell you how much I hated that… being alone… I always have and always will. Yeah, I have- I mean had friends. Not everyone wanted to sign on though… sometimes I’d see a frown, or maybe a… disgusted look. One time I heard someone… “Damn I wish that chick would just shut up. Such an attention whore! Heck she even got her friend killed.” But I mean, who cares what they think right? I mean come on! You’ve got the whole crowd! Party poopers… that’s all they are. They can’t keep me from my happy state. They can’t tear down my walls I’ve just gotta keep going!

But… that wore me out sometimes, you know? Working like that, keeping the motor running, the horn honking, all that smoke pouring out. Sometimes I just wanted to come to rest… you know? Just stop… kind of like a shark. Oh wait. That’s right! Sharks don’t stop. They can’t or they’ll die. So I guess I’m like a shark huh? Well… today I made a mistake… I stayed alone. Sitting alone I decided that I should just do what I’ve been wanting to. Rest. So… I took some pills. A lot of pills. My stomach’s really starting to hurt, but you know what? Now I feel great. I just might be able to see her again… up there.  Now before any of you judge me more than I know you already have. Before any of you call me selfish, an attention whore again… Before you, my so called “friends” talk behind my back… I want you to know how I feel. ‘Cause I mean, what would you do… if you killed your best friend?

The Larger Space He Filled

I laid by your bed watching you stomach bobbing up and down almost as if you were drowning in your own stomach. Your body was growing, expanding, and the color was leaving your eyes. I could tell something was wrong.

"Don't worry boy, everything will be okay." I whispered "I’ll be here I promise. I won't let anything happen to you. I swear. As long as you're with me… you'll be safe." With those last word I put my hand gently on his stomach laying next to him. My dog. The only dog I had longer than a day. The dog I've had since Preschool. The one I wasn't there for. The one I complained about and to all the time. He never cried, he never yelped. The sweetest dog I could ever asked for was in pain, and I could tell. Turning looking into his eyes, I noticed they were fading. I remember the first day I got him… when those now dull eyes were bright and brown… almost like a chocolate bar; yeah, that’s it! A chocolate bar. He used to run everywhere, but now he could hardly walk a few feet.  He used to hop up on the couch begging for attention, but due to my mom that quickly ceased. He used to eat carrots… all the time. They were his favorite food, his favorite treat that he would engorge himself on. Now he wouldn’t even lick them. I didn't know what was wrong with him.

I laid at a slant beside him carefully studying his ribcage. It was still rising. I put my head down allowing his fur to absorb my tears. "I love you Smokey…" I stood up walking away as his head sprung up. I looked back to see the sweet dog I'd always loved. His ears laid down glued to his head, his eyes filled with sorrow.

"I promise boy," I paused to briefly take a deep breath, "It'll all be okay." I said walking back to smooth his ears putting him down to rest his head. I kissed him gently on his head, as I sighed and walked until reached my room. Slumped in my bed, I laid awake for hours knowing something really was wrong. Soon fell into a trance to be awoken my alarm. I prepared myself for the day I was to embrace.

For hours I sat waiting, anticipating… occasionally stopping by knowing I couldn't stay by him long. Eventually my mother took him to the vet.

"Don’t worry," she stated , "I'm sure he'll just need some medication."

I knew the truth though. I sat playing video games, just trying to get my mind of things. Time seemed to fly, until that moment. My brother came downstairs balling and hugged me.

"What's wrong?" I questioned him.  My father followed down the stairs. His face filled with sorrow. His skin seemed paler than usual, which was quite pale, though somehow managed to look me straight in the eyes. I could feel my brother's steamed breath condensation on my clothes and his tear dampening my shirt. I fought hard to keep my tears back. My dad took a breath.

"Its Smokey," he began "He has cancer. He has multiple tumors. One erupted in his stomach. He also has one on his tongue." His voice began growing more and more shaky but I didn’t care. I blocked everything out. The last words I heard were "We have to put Smokey down. He's suffering," My dad was now beginning to cry, "He'll be dead by tonight. The vet said he has less than 10% of a chance of making it till morning. We brought him home so you can’t say goodbye to him before we put him down."  It was too late. Rivers streamed down my face. I felt my stomach drop as my world shifted around me. Reality finally kicked in. In a way, I was expecting that, but I fought so hard to believe it not to be true. This was a lot more than a daily medication could fix. My mind flooded with everything. The day I kicked him while I was on the swing seemed to appear in my mind most frequent. I was the reason he had hip problems and didn't get the proper exercise he needed. How I always fed him lunch meat, carrots, and other foods.  All the memories, how he knew when I was upset, when I was happy, and the kiss up he was when I was upset with him. I couldn't believe how selfish I had been.

I rubbed my brothers back I got up, "You- you're lying," I stuttered, "he cant be." I sprinted upstairs and ran outside to the car, where he laid in the back seat. I sat talking about 20 minutes.

"Hey boy," I paused, trying to gather my boggled mind, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… I broke my promise boy." I huffed under my breath sniffling and trying to hold back my tears.  I could tell he was in pain. He knew our emotion, so he was tormented emotionally, physically, and mentally. I could tell he didn't know what was going on. That little did he know this was one of the last times We'd ever see each other. Tears flooded my eyes. I laid there just hugging him, embracing him. I told him over and over how much I loved him, how sorry I was, but I knew it would never be enough.  I felt like I had been slammed with a semi truck on a highway. I couldn't and still imagine how he felt. Blood gushing inside him, pressuring his inside organs. He never did anything, but I guess only the good die young. I filmed him, took pictures of him, cried alongside him, fed him. I  did anything I could to make his last bit of life worthwhile.

I walked inside for a brief moment to be embraced by my father.

"It'll be okay," he whispered, "We-"

"How long?" I questioned him.

"What do you-"

"When are you taking him?" I stared sternly

"About ten minutes." he replied solemnly.

"I'll be with him until then."

I turned out the door to accompany my dog. Minutes felt like hours as I watched him pant, studying my eyes carefully. He knew something was wrong, but I know he didn't know what. My parents came out and drove him away. That’s the last time I saw my dog. That important part of my family, a major part of my childhood. I don't know why he had cancer,  but he did. Apparently he had it for a year. I knew something was always wrong, but my mom never listened. I could picture him, in that room looking my mom and dad wondering why he was strapped down, who the man beside him was… what the pain was he felt, how starving he must've been. The pain he endure up to the point they stuck that needle in to end his misery. How can you even explain how that would feel?

That night I tortured myself with music. I listened to songs such as "More Than This" "Moments" and a lot of others, but mainly the two. I guess that's just how I get through things. Lyrics have their own voice. Crying tires you out so quickly, I practically passed out. I finally knew how it felt to cry myself to sleep. I guess it turned out okay, but I still miss him, I think of him every day. So I guess there no closure or absolution. There's only the missing gap, but the even larger space he filled.